Harry Potter and the Herald’s Asylum
by Cynfully Your's
Summary: A masked man rapes Harry. Now Harry must cope with the emotional damage caused while Dumbledore and the crew try to find out who attacked him, what they stand to gain; and most importantly, if they'll attack again. MATURE CONTENT! -SLASH-
1. Swept Away into the Abyss

_Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, however the plot is all mine. Touch it and you DIE!_

**WARNING! This story contains mature content (such as RAPE and all out WEIRDNESS) that may not be suitable for all readers. Reader discretion is advised.**

A/N: This is set after Harry has graduated and is now working as a professor at Hogwarts. This is not based on any facts presented in the actual story so there will be inconsistencies; if you don't like it, don't read it.

That being said, if you are mature enough to deal with the subject matter and don't expect this to continue the set storyline in the books/movies, please enjoy!

--

Harry rushed through Hogwarts castle in search of Remus Lupin. The search was short lived, as Harry knew exactly where to look. He entered a dark room that smelled musky with a hint of overlaying sweetness. He found the scent oddly appealing and sighed as he walked in further, lightly stepping as he went.

"Lupin?" he whispered gently, knowing that last night's full moon must have taken a toll on the professor.

"Lupin? I need to speak with you," he tried again slightly louder.

A grumble was heard in the far corner of the room. This was going to be difficult. Harry padded closer to the noise and withdrew his wand. Pointing at the lamp he knew to be located on the opposite side of the room he whispered a spell and cast the wand with a delicate touch. A spark flew across the room and ignited the light, casting a soft orange glow.

With the light came a pain-filled moan from the corner. Harry repressed a smirk and squatted down to Lupin's level on the floor. He cocked his head to the side and waited for the professor to get his bearings.

"Oh, goodness… What is that bright light?" he whispered, voice husky and raw.

Harry shuddered slightly at the sound. He hadn't seen Lupin this bad off. His worry instantly doubled, though he was determined to keep that fact close to the vest.

"It's your bedside light," Harry replied softly, "be happy you were sleeping on the floor and not next to it when I turned it on."

Lupin seemed to sober up slightly at the voice and squinted at Harry's figure. He tried to put a face to the shapes before him. He instantly hated the backlighting the lamp was causing.

"Harry?" Lupin asked more than addressed.

"Yes," Harry answered as he stood up.

"Well-… Wh-What time is it?"

"2:40 in the afternoon."

Lupin's eyes grew wide and he rushed to get up.

"Why didn't you wake me sooner, I'm late for my class!" Lupin strained as he gripped the wall for support.

"Don't worry, I covered it for you," Harry quickly reassured.

He desperately wanted to rush forward and help the struggling man, but knew that his assistance wasn't welcome. He felt useless as he watched Lupin slouch against the wall.

"Thank you, Harry."

Harry's eyebrows rose slightly in response. That was not the reaction he was expecting, knowing how Lupin hated to miss his classes. He knew how important it was for Lupin not to give anyone a reason to have him canned… Not that it was likely to happen anyway, but the fear was still there and Harry respected that.

Lupin laughed slightly before coughing.

"I'm not that deep in denial that I would willingly go into class after last night," Lupin said in response to Harry's expression.

Harry responded with a cheeky grin.

"Could Professor Remus Lupin be showing a sign of humility?"

"Oh no, Professor Lupin isn't allowed to, for fear that Professor Potter's head would swell without being able to keep other professors on a pedestal."

Harry's grin grew as he walked across the room to a small sink and filled a cup with water.

"That must be very tedious work. Always having to talk yourself up in order to keep this Professor Potter in check. How can you rest, knowing you're the one man who faces this challenge?"

Lupin chuckled slightly as Harry handed him the glass.

"I remind myself that you have genuine reason do develop a big head," Lupin responded truthfully, adding a serious note to the conversation.

A blush ghosted onto Harry's cheeks and neck, and he shook his head. Lupin smiled and drank almost all of the water in one go.

"I take it you had reason to see me, other than being my alarm clock," Lupin stated after a pause.

Harry nodded, a serious expression crossing his face, "yes, I was wondering if you knew where Sirius might be."

Lupin shrugged and shook his head, "out. As he normally is. I'm sure he'll return soon though."

"I know, but it's very important that I speak with him."

"Is there anyway I can help in this matter?" Lupin asked, concerned tone to his voice, "I know I'm not Sirius and I may not be able to do for you what you need…"

Lupin paused for a split second, realizing how deep the implications of that sentence went and wondering if Harry had picked up on it.

"But I, uh, I'd like to help in any way I can," he finished.

"Thank you, Lupin," Harry said in a resigned voice as he sat down on the other's bed.

Lupin sighed as he went to sit beside him. Part of him was hoping that he was right about what Harry wanted to talk about, the other part wanted to be way off course, if only for the complexity of the would-be situation.

"Why don't you just tell me what's troubling you," he suggested, reverting back into an authoritative tone. Having been one of Harry's teachers and role models for so many years, this was easy to do.

"Ron and Hermione are coming to visit, and with things the way they are, I'm not sure it's a good idea."

Remus found himself way off base as far as what Harry was troubled about. He sighed, wondering if Harry will ever take a moment to stop and concentrate on himself.

"Harry, they'll be safe here, we've taken every safety precaution we can," Lupin assured, "and you must remember that they're wizards now themselves. They are quite capable of protecting themselves."

Harry's shoulders continued to slouch forward as he thought deeply.

"I know, believe me I do, but I'm still worried about them. They're my best friends and I've always gotten them into dangerous situations. I just don't want that to happen again."

"It won't, trust me."

"I want to."

Lupin nodded sympathetically.

--

"Some things never change," Hermione stated with a shake of her head.

Ron looked up from his plate of food, "what?"

There was a slight pause before Harry and Hermione burst out laughing. Ron simply rolled his eyes and went back to his food.

"Don't worry Ron," Harry said, "I'm happy to see that you're enjoying the food."

"Oh yes Harry it's delicious," Hermione spoke before Ron could clear his mouth enough for speech, "I didn't know you could cook this well."

Harry smiled around his own bite and shrugged.

"This is much better than eating in the dining hall," was Ron's input between jaw-breaking mouthfuls.

"Indeed," Hermione commented, "how did you get us set up with this place? It's very comfortable."

"If by comfortable you mean small then yes it is," Harry replied jokingly, "Sirius wanted to do me a favor so I asked for this."

"That's sweet," Hermione commented.

The next few hours went by quickly. With the trio reminiscing about their days in Hogwarts. There was a lot of laughter, and a few tears peppered into the evening. Harry found himself spending most of the day smiling, even through the painful memories, knowing that Sirius had gone out of his way to make him comfortable and help protect his friends. The simple fact that Sirius was alive was enough to bring a happy tear to his eye. A strange overpowering emotion swept through Harry as he laid down for bed. It felt too much like being back in school.

The room was small, all three of them sleeping in there. Luckily, there were enough beds and curtains to give the hint of privacy. The sounds of Ron deeply sleeping caused a few flashbacks, while Hermione's presence brought a new element to the moment, causing Harry to rush back to the present. He smiled and buried his head in his pillow, faintly thinking about how it smelled like Sirius before he dosed off.

--

Harry awoke abruptly to a series of crashing noises. His hand already gripping his wand, he silently cast a spell turning on the dim lights in the room. Ron and Hermione were standing beside their beds, wands poised for action. Harry quickly moved to join them as the door to the bedroom flew open and a bright light engulfed the room.

Harry blindly sent a spell to stun whomever was at the door. He realized a second too late that the spell was deflected back to him. He, Ron and Hermione flew backwards, hitting against the far wall.

Harry tried to counter only to realize that his wand was no longer in his grasp. A sliver of panic set in as the blinding light dimmed and a caped figure entered the room.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Ron shouted to the man.

Everyone fell silent as they took in his appearance. The man was covered; head to toe in soft black fabric, making the delicate mask concealing his identity stand out further. Terror flickered in Harry's eyes.

"It's them…" he whispered breathlessly.

At that, three more men, identical to the first entered. The first one motioned the others forward. They proceeded to cast paralysis spells on Hermione and Ron. One of the men held Harry down as he tried to keep the others away from his friends.

"Don't you dare touch them!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'll kill you bastards!"

Ron and Hermione started to regain the ability to move just as they were taken out of the room. The other man kicked Harry, winding him, before leaving to follow the other two.

The first figure stared down at Harry. Harry imagined a menacing look on his face as he went to stand up.

"Don't hurt them," Harry threatened, weakly, "I've taken out wizards more powerful than you."

There was a deep chuckle behind the mask. After a pause he rushed forward, grabbing Harry by the neck with one hand while pinning his arms with the other. Harry writhed helplessly in the man's arms as he was thrown onto the bed and pinned. The man pulled out a vial from a pocket hidden within the folds of black fabric.

Harry struggled, but felt himself becoming increasingly weak and frustrated. The man opened the vial and pried open Harry's mouth. He gagged as the liquid was poured in and tried to spit it out but the man quickly covered his mouth and nose. Harry continued to gag, thinking he might throw up. Spots danced before his eyes and he could feel himself fading; subconsciously he swallowed the liquid.

The man removed his hand, satisfied with his work as Harry coughed and sputtered. He drew out his wand and placed it to Harry's stomach. He murmured something, too low for Harry to hear. A white light illuminated from Harry's stomach, starting at his belly, then moving lower to just above his privates.

The man made a sound of approval before getting off of Harry. He imagined the man was smiling sickly behind the mask. That thought and the retched taste in his mouth made him want to vomit.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, garnering no response, "What do you want?"

There was no motion from the man until Harry noticed black fabric was moving, slowly loosening around the man's waist. Harry's blood ran cold and he became stiff with terror. His mind was two steps ahead and he realized that he had to get away. He had no idea how or where to, but he had to go as far away as possible.

He leapt up from the bed and rushed towards the window. But the man was too fast and he was hopelessly ensnarled in his wicked grasp again. Harry tried to fight back but was again found on the bed, this time on his stomach. The new position had his left arm pinned under his body, his right arm held in a vice grip. Harry screamed. He didn't know what he was screaming or what it would achieve, but he screamed as loud as he could.

He screamed as he felt his pants being ripped down. He screamed as a hand pushed his face into the mattress. He choked on a muffled scream as he was penetrated. An agonized sound was ripped from his throat as he felt himself being torn into.

The grip on his head loosened and moved to his shoulder. The bed jerked in rhythmic time. It got louder and louder as the man's thrusts came stronger and more vicious. Harry tried to concentrate on the sound of the bed squeaking. He wanted it to drown out the intense pain in his lower body.

It wasn't working. The only thing he could listen to was the sound of skin painfully smacking skin. His face was soaked with sweat and tears. Every muscle in his body clenched down painfully, making his whole body burn and the pain in his back intensify.

Harry was mortified to find that he was moaning in pain. He tried to make himself stop, but his throat kept producing the sounds.

"P-Please stop," he groaned out, more to himself than his rapist.

The man pushed his face back into the mattress, making him mumble incoherently into the fabric of the bed. The bed was shaking harder, his right hand gripping the sheets as the pain deepened and intensified. The man was getting close; he felt the other's orgasm building up inside his body. The sensation made him feel nauseous.

Long moans were released into the bed, mingled with the words "help," and "no." The man pounded faster, a strangled cry came from Harry as his attacker shuddered. He could feel the rapist's seed enter his body; it made his muscles tense further and his body repel.

The cloaked man waited a moment before pulling out. Harry remained limp on the bed, his mind trying to process what had just happened. He was feeling disgusted with every sensation running through his body. He couldn't stop concentrating on the wet, sticky feeling in his anus. The overheated, tingling from being rubbed raw irritated him more than anything.

Harry started rubbing himself, trying to make the tingly feeling go away. He winced as his touch spiked the pain. He rubbed harder, finding the sensation oddly pleasing.

It wasn't until he felt a hand on his arm that he realized that he was fingering himself in front of his attacker. Harry let out a sob as what was left of his dignity disintegrated.

The man flipped him back over and held his wand to Harry's throat. He quietly whispered a curse and a spark shot Harry's throat. He coughed and tried to catch his breath as the man made his exit.

Harry's heart thundered within his chest and his eyes burned. He hadn't noticed when he had started crying, but he hadn't been able to stop since it started. He was subconsciously touching himself as a young boy does when uncomfortable. It was then that he noticed the man had pulled up his pants. He felt like pulling them back down to spite him.

Harry continued to silently cry and fondle himself, feeling more and more miserable as self-hatred continued to fill him with the passing of every second…

--

The cloaked figures exited just as they'd entered: In a blinding light. Ron and Hermione stood in the middle of the main room in a daze. Hermione was still in shock, and Ron was in too much pain to process rational thought. Suddenly Hermione looked at Ron angrily.

"What were you thinking?" she nearly shouted, "you could have been killed!"

Ron looked at her dumbly, blood trickling down his chin.

"I'm sorry?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and released a long breath, "I didn't ask for you to protect me."

Ron nodded, seemingly in deep thought, "gut reaction I guess. Are you O.K.?"

Hermione sighed and nodded, "I didn't get the worst of it."

At that Ron glanced at the door to the bedroom. His eyes grew wide as he thought of what lay behind the door.

A look of worry came over Hermione's face as she caught onto his train of thought.

"Harry…"

They rushed forward in unison and quickly pushed open the door. Their eyes went directly to Harry's bed before quickly scanning the room.

"Did they take him?" Hermione asked in confusion.

"I didn't see him with them when they left," Ron answered, wiping the blood from his nose with his sleeve.

They walked around the room carefully inspecting it for any sign of where Harry had gone. Not finding anything they quickly ran out of the room.

"We have to contact Dumbledore as soon as possible," Hermione spoke quickly, trying to organize her thoughts, "is there anyone close by who can help?"

Ron took several moments to respond, "I think Professor Lupin said he'd be in the area today."

Hermione nodded as they paced about the main room.

"We'll let him know what's happened and tell him to gather up a search party," she spoke quickly as she gathered the necessary ingredients to contact everyone, "then we'll contact Dumbledore and see if he knows anything that might help, most importantly where they may have gone."

"But they've been at it for three months now and no one knows who they are and where they're from; how can we find out in the next three minutes, or hours or even days?"

Hermione's hand jerked as if to slap him before catching a vial. She glared at Ron while picking up a few papers and setting to work.

"Ron we can't think negatively right now. We have to give it our best and if that's not good enough we'll just have to think of something better."

Ron nodded and kneeled to help Hermione with the spell.

--

Sirius Black burst through the doors to the small cottage like a fireball. The occupants jumped in response and froze, not sure how to react to the obviously furious wizard.

"Where's Harry?" he bellowed at the two just as Lupin made his appearance.

Lupin was almost surprised to see Sirius standing in the middle of the room, being as he'd been contacted second, and was almost triple the distance from the cottage. Then again this was Sirius, and Harry was in danger.

Lupin would have rolled his eyes at the man searching under the couch cushions for any sign of the missing wizard had he not been so worked up with anger and fear himself that he almost joined him in his pointless search behind, inside and under random objects. He reminded himself to stay calm and approached Ron and Hermione.

"Do you have any idea where they've gone?" he asked in the calmest tone he could muster.

Ron and Hermione shook their heads in unison.

"We don't even know if they took him," Ron added slowly, "neither of us saw him when they left."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "obviously they had to have taken him. Where else would he be?"

Sirius looked up from under a table. His eyes moved from the trio to the bedroom.

"Is that where it happened?" he asked in a surprisingly calm tone.

Hermione nodded, "one of them kept him in there while we were held out here."

Sirius quickly rose and went into the room. Lupin sighed and went to follow him, Hermione and Ron at his heels. Before they could enter the room Sirius, rudely, slammed the door in their faces.

--

Sirius' face contorted as his keen sense of smell picked up on all the odors in the room, the overriding scent being the musky smell of sex. Rage surged stronger within him as he walked over to the bed where the act took place.

"Bastards."

A muscle in his head twitched, trying to move what would normally be his dog-ears towards the sound in a corner of the room. He quickly looked to see what it was, only to find nothing there.

Relief washed over him as he realized what the noise was. Stepping as lightly as he could he approached the corner and kneeled down.

"Harry," he whispered as he reached forward, his hand coming into contact with fabric.

His mouth twitched into a smile as he pulled on the fabric, revealing the disheveled looking man underneath. Sirius' heart broke at the sight and before he knew it tears were filling his eyes.

"Harry," he whispered even more softly than the first time.

Harry's mouth quivered as he glanced up from the ground to Sirius' eyes. He wanted to look away but found he couldn't despite the shame he felt.

Sirius subconsciously reached up towards Harry's face. Harry broke eye contact and turned away, trying to avoid the touch. His hand lingered before moving down to Harry's throat where it finally made contact. His thumb caressed the bruised skin. Harry shuddered and pressed his body against the wall, wishing he could sink through it.

Sirius' nostrils flared as he concentrated on the bruises and thought about the other injuries Harry sustained, not to mention the emotional damage inflicted.

"I'll kill them," he whispered venomously, again looking into Harry's eyes with such force that Harry couldn't help but stare back, "with my bare hands. I'll kill them all; and their death will not allow them to escape my rage. I curse them to a thousand lives of misery and despair, and when they find the slightest glimmer of hope I'll kill them again, and curse them a thousand more lifetimes."

Sirius was shaking with anger, yet his touch on the other's neck remained warm and gentle. Harry nodded numbly in response to Sirius' vow of vengeance and looked away. He couldn't handle the intensity of Sirius' gaze, not while feeling so many conflicting emotions. Sirius practically had to pry his hand away from Harry, but knew that his touch wasn't comforting at the moment. He scooted to Harry's side and leaned back against the wall. They sat in silence, barely moving. Harry gazed into space, occasionally glancing at the bed. Sirius gazed at Harry. He was staring so intently that he barely heard the door open, or the relieved sigh from his friend before the door quietly closed again.

Several hours passed before the sun started to rise. The only reason Sirius noticed was because he noted how beautifully the golden light illuminated Harry's face. He took note of the blood shot eyes, the tearstains smeared over his face, the bruises on his neck and temple. Unexpectedly, rage didn't consume him as it had hours before. All he felt was a great sadness and longing…

--

A/N 2: Still with me? Good. ;) This is just the beginning to what I hope is an interesting story with twists and turns as we watch Harry try to deal with what's thrown at him. We'll see how he copes in the next installment...


	2. Going in Circles the Wrong Way

Chapter 2

Several days after the incident, Dumbledore was pacing his expansive office at Hogwarts castle. Professor McGonagle followed his almost erratic movements from where she was standing beside his desk.

The professor, and long time friend of the headmaster, had a knack for vocalizing what he couldn't and somehow centering his thoughts when he could not. However, at the moment she found herself speechless

She'd hoped that they would not be faced with these kinds of situations after Voldemort. The fact that they were again worrying about Harry's safety and well-being saddened her. She didn't want to think that Harry might never be free to live his life as he pleased, without worry of attack or protecting those close to him.

McGonagle repressed a sigh as Dumbledore circled the room for the 78th time. The professor was nothing if not precise.

"I don't get it," Dumbledore said out of the blue.

McGonagle nodded sympathetically and remained silent.

"What do they gain from this- encounter?" he stumbled on the word, knowing it was just a weak substitute for "rape."

He again gave up on words and continued pacing. This attack left him bewildered and as a result frustrated beyond belief.

Dumbledore has almost always been able to determine what others looked to gain and thusly how to counter them. However, for once he was stumped. It didn't help that he'd been struggling to piece things together from Hermione, Ron and Sirius. Several days later and Harry still would not speak about what had happened. He was beginning to think that Harry may never open up and feared that if he didn't think up something soon that he'd have to watch Harry withdraw further within himself.

Dumbledore looked to McGonagle and saw the sadness he felt echoed in her eyes. She sighed and left the headmaster to his thoughts, a slight slouch in her usually graceful posture.

--

A flash of green enveloped the room followed by a puff of smoke. Lupin sighed and shook his head at the source of the small explosion.

Under other circumstances he would be trying to repress a hearty belly laugh. The sight was quite hilarious. Sirius Black covered in a green gelatin, scorched clothes and an indignant look upon his face.

As he drank in the sight a smile slowly crept onto his face. Leave it to Sirius to inadvertently lighten a foul mood.

"You know if you don't know how to make a potion you could just use one of the text books instead of trying to wing it," Lupin said in a joking voice.

Sirius glared at him while retrieving a towel from across the room. He slowly toweled off his face and hair. Lupin's good mood was short lived and he was thrown back into overwhelming stress.

"I know it's hard to concentrate on anything but catching those bastards but we have to be able to accomplish minor tasks with a minimal amount damage."

Sirius ignored his friend as he removed the scorched shirt. Lupin was at a loss. Everything he'd tried to get Sirius to respond with his usual wit got little to no response.

"Sirius," he addressed softly and waited for the other to look at him, "talk to me."

They held each other's gaze for a moment before Sirius looked away. He wrapped the dirty towel around his neck and stood in front of Lupin's desk, fiddling with some of the objects on it as he thought.

"I don't know what to do," he spoke quietly, "I want to hunt them down; chase them to the ends of the earth and make them pay for what they've done."

Lupin nodded as Sirius paused, looking up momentarily from the desk before letting his eyes drop again and continuing, "but something's holding me back."

"Harry," Lupin added and Sirius nodded.

"In a way," he said thoughtfully as he sat down on the desk, "but I don't know what I accomplish from being here. He won't speak to me. He'll barely look at me. I doubt my presence brings him much comfort if at all."

A small smile played on Lupin's lips, "it does."

Sirius shrugged and fidgeted, "what should I do?"

Lupin leaned back in his chair, "I know what you want to hear. You want me to tell you that there are plenty of people here who care about Harry and will be able to take care of him while you're out looking for vengeance."

Sirius shook his head and Lupin held up his hand.

"But I'm going to tell you what you need to hear," he continued earnestly, "yes, there are plenty of people here who can look out for Harry, but no one can do for him what you can."

Sirius was unconvinced, "and what's that?"

"Make him open up. If you go he'll continue this downward spiral and by the time you've accomplished what you set out to do it won't matter anyway because he'll be lost to us."

Sirius stood up, his movement betraying his frustration, "and how am I suppose to do that? He won't talk to me."

"You'll find a way."

"And why is it that only I can figure out how to do this?" he continued to rant, "What about Ron and Hermione?"

"His first instinct is to protect them, he'll never talk about something this traumatic with them."

"What about you?"

"I'll admit I have a better shot than Hermione and Ron but he'd never open up completely to me."

"What about Dumbledore?"

"Now you're fishing," Lupin shook his head and Sirius' shoulders dropped lower, as if under a heavy weight.

"What's so special about me then?"

"You don't know?" Lupin asked, searching Sirius' eyes.

Sirius shook his head awaiting Lupin's response.

"He loves you."

Sirius stared for what felt like a moment too long, then nodded.

"Makes sense," he said in a calm tone, "I'm the closest thing he's had to family all his life… Which isn't saying much."

Lupin smiled and stood up. He walked to the table Sirius had previously been sitting at and began cleaning up the forgotten mess.

"I still don't know what to do," Sirius admitted as he watched Lupin work.

"Just be there for him," Lupin answered and threw the damaged pot into a garbage can, "and know that I'll be here for you."

Sirius nodded, a determined look on his face.

--

Harry stood under the showerhead, soapy suds running down his body as he moved under the spray. His breath hitched as the hot water ran along his back and down between his cheeks. He looked down at his red skin and tried to reassure himself that he was clean, that the soap was strong enough and the water hot enough that no bacteria could survive on his person.

Harry scratched at his stomach and knew that it was pointless. He turned the water off and stepped out into the cool air, coughing in response to the temperature change. He picked up the last of the clean towels and wrapped it around his waist, vowing not to shower again for at least 2 hours. Well maybe that's too ambitious, an hour and a half… Or maybe an hour at least.

He vowed not to shower until 25 minutes had past, that's 5 minutes more than he'd been waiting between showers all day.

Harry gently toweled himself off, careful not to scrape against the burn blisters forming on his shoulders. He put on a new set of clothing, putting the previous one to wash; aside from the underwear, which he placed in the garbage. He sighed at the full bin and thought about removing the garments, knowing that it's foolish to throw out perfectly good underwear. He raised his arm towards the bin but lowered it just as quickly and exited the room.

He stood in the middle of his room at Hogwarts, feeling lost and confused. He didn't want to sit down. He didn't feel like standing. He didn't want to be pent up in his room, but he couldn't face leaving it.

He looked at his desk and the mountain of letters piled on top, many of which were from Hermione and Ron.

After the "incident" Dumbledore felt that it was in their best interest to cut their visit short. They only agreed after some convincing from Harry.

So far they had kept up their promise to write everyday, and sometimes twice a day. Harry was glad that he didn't promise to respond to them all. Truth be told, he hadn't bothered to read even one of their letters.

He shifted his weight from one foot to another and tried to ignore the irritating feeling of having a shirt on his abused shoulders and back. His fingers twitched as his thoughts moved lower and he felt a burning pain deep within his bowels.

Harry grabbed the chair from his desk and set it in the middle of the room. He kneeled in front of it, resting his elbows on the seat and leaning his head forward. He tried desperately to clear his mind and close his eyes so that he could begin meditation.

He wasn't sure why he felt compelled to do so. He hadn't done it in years. Not since Remus helped guide him in meditation when he couldn't sleep after Sirius' near death.

No wait, Harry had to remind himself that Sirius was dead, and thanks to his, Lupin and Dumbledore's efforts that was no longer the case.

Harry's eyes drifted closed as he thought back to Lupin's teachings. He felt himself begin to drift into nothingness but was quickly pulled back by another twitch in his arm.

"Damn it all," he muttered under his breath as he readjusted his position.

Harry put his hands on his knees and let his forehead rest on the seat of the chair. He momentarily thought that it would be more comfortable to do this on his bed but he'd taken a distinct disliking to beds of any kind. He also knew that it was another irrational behavior but that didn't ease his discomfort with that certain piece of furniture.

Harry thought back to before Sirius came back, when he thought they'd never see each other again and that he'd lost the last thread of family he had. Through so many dark patches in his life he'd say that was the darkest. Nothing could console him during that period. He became reclusive and destructive.

He found himself grinning at the memory of nearly killing Draco Malfoy during a particularly intense game of quittage. A part of him felt bad for what happened, then again, it was Malfoy. No one thought twice about what happened, aside from Dumbledore and Lupin.

Harry tried to clear his mind again, his hand running up and down his thigh.

He began thinking about his shower. He sighed as the urge hit him in the pit of his stomach.

"No, it won't do anything. I won't feel any better so there's no point," he tried to remind himself, his hand gripping his pant leg as he forced himself not to get up.

His legs twitched and strained to get up, but he kept his head firmly placed to the seat of the chair. He knew as soon as he lifted his head it'd be over and he wouldn't be able to stop himself. His hand moved up to his crotch alternating between rubbing and grabbing.

His actions bewildered him. He had no idea why at odd times he'd find himself masturbating. He was lucky that he hadn't started doing it in front of other people, yet.

He grunted in frustration and thought that he was losing control of his body and his mind wasn't far behind. He lifted his head from the chair and moaned under his breath as he handled himself.

He wanted to stop. He wanted to go outside for a walk, or ride his broom to some secluded place where he could collect his thoughts.

"That's what I'm gonna do," he said to himself, "I'm not going to lose control."

Shortly thereafter his stomach muscles clenched and whimpered into his other hand.

His arms fell to his sides as he looked down at his lap with disgust. He looked back up to a clock on the wall. 19 minutes had passed since his last shower.

"Right on time."

--

A/N: Yes I know this is short and almost none of your questions have been answered. evil But it is important to get the story going in the right direction. Stay tuned for the next installment in which a little more light is shed onto the situation and the identity of the person behind the attack.

Thank you to everyone who's put me on their story alerts/favorites and an extra special shout out to Siriusly Megara, semper paratis and lilsteves for their reviews, the topless Sirius Black scene is dedicated to you. ;)


	3. What are we Waiting For?

Chapter 3

There was a chill in the air as Harry sat on the steps to the owl pen. His gaze was fixated on a spot in the horizon that he knew to be Hedwig. His trusty owl was making her way across the nearby forest to deliver a few letters that he'd finally written.

He hoped that those would suffice for the moment and slowdown the continual onslaught of mail he'd been receiving for weeks now. A part of him was thankful to have so many people caring about how he was doing, but mostly it irritated him.

Harry blinked and tried to find the dot in the cloudy sky. Unable to locate it he took to staring at the clouds and trying to count how many shades of grey there were in them.

He'd reached 26 when he heard someone approaching and stop when they caught sight of him. Harry turned and confirmed that it was whom he thought, Sirius Black. He sighed and looked back to the clouds, realizing how fast they were moving.

Sirius continued his previous pace then slowed down as he reached Harry on the steps. He started up the first few before turning back and sitting down next to him. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Harry tense and subtly lean away from him.

Sirius tried to pay more attention to the sky while thinking up something to say.

"Storm's coming," was all he could get out through a tight throat.

Harry nodded noncommittally. Sirius breathed in the air and closed his eyes.

"A thunderstorm at that."

"You say that whenever there's a storm coming," Harry responded in an irritated tone.

"Not always," Sirius responded in his own defense, "and was I ever wrong?"

"Quite a few times actually," Harry replied in an almost smug manner, "just because you want something to happen doesn't mean it will."

Sirius paused, wondering if they were still talking about the weather. He was never good at talking around a subject. He had always been one to speak from his heart rather than his head.

"I-," he stumbled on his words, trying desperately to think of something smart and vague to say. However, as he watched Harry roll his eyes he gave up on trying to be clever.

"I don't know why you're angry at me," he stated truthfully.

He waited a moment to see that Harry was unmoved by his statement before getting up and continuing up the stairs. Harry turned just in time to watch Sirius turn a corner. He contemplated following him and telling him that he wasn't angry. But he knew that it would be a lie, even though he had no clue why he was angry. He had no justifiable reason to be.

Harry got up from the step and started walking across the courtyard, his mind working over what Sirius had said.

He was just stressed, he thought to himself. He had an entire semester to prepare for. One that he was not looking forward to, knowing how the students would have all heard about what had happened and be whispering behind his back. Harry thought of all the notes that would be passed back and forth in the classroom and the children laughing at his expense. His stomach tied in knots at the thought; then again it seemed to be in knots all the time anyway.

He visibly flinched as a droplet of water fell on his neck. Harry found it ironic that the sky never seems to wait until you're safely inside to start raining when you're in a foul mood. He glared at the clouds as best as he could while rain smeared his glasses.

"You have a cruel sense of humor," he remarked to the clouds.

To which they responded with a crash of lightning and a rumble of thunder that sounded eerily similar to laughter.

Harry went from being in a bad mood to down right pissed. Not only was he being mocked by a storm, but it had also simultaneously proven Sirius right.

--

Thunder echoed down the long hall. The sound bounced from one object to the next, creating an almost unbearable chamber of sound. Many of the occupants tried to conceal their discomfort while others appeared completely relaxed.

Just as the thunder died down there was another sound, that of a marble striking the cement floor. Everyone's head turned in unison and they quickly moved to stand against the sides of the hall. The marbled rolled between the gap, picking up speed as it rolled to the center of the hall. A warm orange glow started to fill the room as the stained glass of the arched ceiling came to life.

Orange and red glass moved as if it had returned to its original liquefied form. The lightning added to the life like effect of the glass flames.

Thunder boomed within the chamber, creating a wave that began to run up the glass ceiling. The flames roared furiously and as the wave reached the end of the room the glass shattered. The flaming glass rained upon the cloaked occupants. Many of which started running, desperately trying to put themselves out.

A small group of them joined into a circle around the marble spinning on the floor. Lightning struck the small object and reflected back, arcing over the circle. The marble began to levitate, twisting and straining. An immense amount of power locked within trying to be released.

It started losing its shape. A face could be seen forming and a tail growing down the back. One of the members of the circle stepped forward towards the object that appeared to be twisting in pain.

"Has it been done?" the object asked in a strained voice.

"Yes, master."

"Good," the contorted figure cackled as it began to return to its previous shape.

"Master, it takes more and more power to call upon you, there are few of us left," the cloaked man spoke quickly.

"Worry not, for next time you call upon me I will be joining you for good," its voice was becoming more distant as it spoke, "with his power, nothing can stop us. Call upon me when the power has been released."

The man kneeled as the face disappeared and the marble fell to the floor.

--

Harry shivered as his forehead rested against the cold glass of the window. He watched lightning dance across the sky. The bolts appeared jagged through the rain soaked window.

Another shiver ran down Harry's spine as the bolts hit one spot in the distance repeatedly.

Why did Sirius have to be right? The last thing Harry needed was an intense storm rattling his nerves. He got up from the window seat and started pacing his room.

He silently wished that he had some company to distract him. After the thought crossed his mind, there was a knock on the door. He immediately took back the thought and jumped back onto the window seat.

Just when he thought that it had worked and who ever it was had left there was another knock.

"Damn it," Harry whispered under his breath as he got up and opened the door.

He had to resist letting out another curse when he saw Sirius standing in the hall.

"What," Harry demanded more than asked.

"I wanted to apologize," Sirius blurted out.

Harry blinked and stared for a moment. Of all the things Sirius could have said he'd not expected that. He stepped aside and let Sirius enter the room.

"What are you apologizing for?"

Sirius sighed and raised his hands in defeat, "I don't know… Anything… Everything."

Harry nodded, a silent acceptance of the apology. He reclaimed his spot on the window seat and looked out the window.

Sirius hesitated a moment before sitting down next to him.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted, "I don't know what you want me to do."

Harry glanced at him and shrugged, "who says you have to do anything?"

Sirius stared for a moment before responding, "I do."

Harry snorted but couldn't resist letting past a small smile. He should have known that Sirius' protectiveness of him would force him into action even when he had no idea what action to take.

Sirius visibly relaxed when he saw Harry's reaction. He leaned back against the wall framing the window and watched Harry look out the window. He noticed Harry flinch whenever there was a flash of lightning and a small shudder run through his body at the sound of the low rumbling thunder.

"I thought you liked thunderstorms," he commented after a while.

Harry looked up as if he hadn't expected the silence to be broken, "I normally do."

Sirius nodded but obviously didn't quite understand. He wanted to ask more about it but had a feeling that would only push Harry further away. All the stress and worry were catching up to him and while he knew he should be talking and trying to get Harry to communicate more, he felt his eyelids grow heavy and droop.

When Harry looked back he saw Sirius' head dipped forward, his breathing slow and rhythmic. Harry shook his head and got up to retrieve a blanket from his bed. He gently draped it over the sleeping man. He stood there for a moment looking down at him before putting his hand on the other's head and moving it to a more comfortable position. When he felt confident that Sirius wouldn't be complaining about a sore neck in the morning he went back to his bed and laid down.

He shifted uncomfortably for several moments, wishing that he could grab the covers and sleep on the floor as he'd been doing for the past month but he didn't want to deal with Sirius' questions and worry.

It took him far longer than it should have but he felt himself drift off into an uneasy sleep.

--

Harry snuggled deep into his covers as he started to wake up. His mind was slowly trying to process the scent filling the room. It smelled good. It smelled familiar. It smelled like the great hall?

He blinked open his eyes and peered over the covers. It took a moment for his vision to clear and even longer for him to figure out what he was looking at.

Was that Sirius? Yes, Harry thought to himself, yes that's definitely Sirius.

The man in question looked up from the table across the room and smiled at Harry who raised an eyebrow and sat up.

"I got breakfast," Sirius said in a voice that almost sounded chipper.

Harry's eyes moved over to the table, covered with almost every kind of food available at Hogwarts.

"Is all that for us or are we having some kind of party I wasn't informed about?" Harry asked and motioned towards the pile.

Sirius shrugged, "I didn't know what you were in the mood for."

Harry laughed and climbed out of bed. He leaned over the table and sniffed.

"Mmm," he hummed at the scent.

Sirius resisted laughing and instead handed Harry a plate. A wave of excitement hit Harry in the pit of his stomach, and he had no idea why. He'd never been this excited over breakfast, especially not recently.

He shrugged off the oddness of it and started choosing what he'd like to eat from the pile… Well, more like trying to shove as much of everything he could onto his plate.

Sirius coughed, trying to mask a small chuckle as he looked on.

"I think I should have gotten a bigger plate."

Harry laughed and tried to position a tomato so that it wouldn't topple over the side. With his hearty helping served up he took the plate to the window seat and dug in. Sirius, after retrieving a much smaller portion joined him.

They ate in a companionable silence. Sirius was surprised to look up and see that Harry was wiping off some leftover juices with his fingers. Sirius looked back at his plate.

"How is it you ate that mountain of food in the time it's taken me to eat half of a normal serving?" Sirius asked in amazement.

"Normal?" Harry came back at him incredulously, "you call that mincey amount normal?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and pointed at Harry's plate with his fork, "you're avoiding the question."

"You're a slow eater," was Harry's definitive response.

Sirius stared at him blankly and Harry stared back defiantly. It wasn't long before both were grinning like idiots.

"So are you done or just preparing yourself for round two?" Sirius asked, noting how Harry was eyeing the still impressive pile of food across the room.

"I'm not sure…" he responded tightly.

Sirius slowly licked the food off of his fork, "upset stomach?"

Harry nodded, the color draining from his face.

"You ate too much too fast. Here let me get you a glass of water."

"Too late!" Harry shouted before leaping from his seat and running into the bathroom.

Sirius raised his eyebrows as Harry slammed the door. He stood up and put their plates with the leftover food. He briefly wondered how they were going to eat all of that if Harry was sick and couldn't stomach it.

He sat on the bed and listened to the retching sounds coming from the bathroom. A pained look crossed his face as he started to wish that he'd held back on breakfast. If it was food poisoning the kitchen staff weren't going to hear the end of it.

After hearing the toilet flush and the sink faucet run Sirius stood up as Harry came out of the bathroom.

"Are you ok?" he asked, putting a comforting hand on the other's shoulder.

Harry nodded and wiped his brow with the back of his hand, "I don't feel so bad now."

Sirius' hand moved up to Harry's head. It paused there, thumb gently rubbing Harry's temple before dropping back down to his shoulder.

"You don't have a fever."

Harry couldn't resist a slight shudder. He wanted to back away, for Sirius certainly had to have noticed, but he kept still. He nodded and looked down at the floor.

Sirius stepped back and tried to give Harry some space, not sure what he'd done to cause the sudden mood change.

Harry sighed in relief, though he also missed the comforting contact. He felt torn as he walked past Sirius and sat down on the bed. Part of him wanted Sirius to join him, but he knew that would mean that they'd have to talk. The other part wanted Sirius to leave, but then he wouldn't have his comforting presence.

Sirius watched the other carefully, thinking how Harry's face reminded him of the sea as each emotion moved in on him in waves, and was reflected through his eyes.

"Have you ever been to the ocean?" Sirius blurted out.

Harry looked up to see his confusion mirrored back at him. He shook his head silently.

"The, uh, the rain yesterday," Sirius stumbled over his words as he sat down beside Harry, "it smelled like the sea… I hadn't thought about it in ages until yesterday and now for some reason I can't seem to get it out of my head. I've not been there in years. Not since I was a boy."

Harry nodded, "that probably means you're due for a visit."

"Yes, well, if I do take the trip and you're interested in joining me, you're more than welcome."

Harry nodded and tried to make himself more comfortable on the bed. Another bit of excitement sparked in his stomach. He might take Sirius up on that offer.

--

That afternoon Harry and Sirius parted ways. Sirius went to do, whatever important stuff he had to do… Ok Harry wasn't paying that much attention to what Sirius was saying. He was too busy trying to figure out what Hagrid was up to across the courtyard.

The normally gentle giant was stomping away at something. Harry was surprised when Sirius didn't even look towards the loud banging that would almost rival the loud crashes of thunder from last night.

As Harry approached he saw that Hagrid was compacting freshly turned earth. Why the big man couldn't use a shovel was beyond him.

"Hello Hagrid," Harry greeted, to which the other jumped and nearly broke his ankle, as he was in mid-stomp.

"Oh, uh, hi there Harry," Hagrid replied in a somewhat shifty tone, "what brings you here?"

Harry raised an eyebrow and looked down to the stomped pile of dirt, "what ever it is that you're doing," he answered and looked back up for the other's reaction.

Hagrid tried to keep from squirming, "oh, nothing… Just doing some planting."

Harry tried not to snort as he looked around the courtyard, "A bit of an odd place for gardening isn't it?"

The other shrugged and seemed to be making too much of an effort to look innocent.

"Nothing illegal is gonna sprout from there is it?" Harry asked, only partially joking.

Hagrid's eyes grew wide and he quickly shook his head, "no, no… nah, of course not. Me? Doing something illegal?"

Harry shook his head as Hagrid fidgeted.

"Though, I wouldn't mind if we just kept this to ourselves," Hagrid said while motioning down to the pile of dirt between them.

Harry shook his head and raised his hands in a gesture that clearly said, "I don't want to have any part in this anyway."

Hagrid relaxed slightly and invited Harry to visit him for tea and lunch. Even after being sick earlier Harry's stomach growled at the promise of food.

--

Sirius entered Dumbledore's office without so much as a knock. He resisted a grin as the occupants looked up in shock. That never got old. It'd been a while since he'd busted in on one of Dumbledore's meetings. Professors Lupin, McGonagle and Snape were gathered as well to discuss the attack.

"What news have you?" Sirius asked.

Lupin shook his head, "nothing other than what we already know. It's the same group of dark wizards who've been behind the kidnappings and murders of the past few months."

Sirius shook his head, anger building, "they've been at this for months and we know nothing? Who's in charge of this investigation?"

Everyone fell silent as Lupin discretely motioned towards the headmaster. If Dumbledore was insulted, it didn't show.

"And how are things coming on your front?" Lupin quickly redirected the conversation.

Sirius shrugged, though Lupin could tell there was more behind the simple motion. He made a mental note to question Sirius about it later.

"Well does anyone have anything useful to share?" Snape asked with his usual snarky delivery.

Silence fell over the room again in response to his question. With a huff Snape rose from his chair and left the room.

Lupin and Sirius shared a look that said, "somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed," while Dumbledore and McGonagle also rose from their seats.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do, Albus," McGonagle said before following Snape.

The last two companions were on their way out of the room when Dumbledore turned to Sirius.

"How is Harry?"

"Better," Sirius responded tightly, "he isn't talking, but he doesn't seem to mind other people's presence."

Lupin nodded, "it's a step in the right direction."

Sirius sighed in irritation, "a small one."

"Better he gain his footing with small steps before trying to run," Dumbledore reassured them before they left.

--

Lupin sighed as he and Sirius walked through the halls of Hogwarts. He'd long since grown tired of Sirius' moodiness. His thoughts paused as he realized that this must be a cakewalk compared to what Sirius was dealing with trying to get Harry to open up.

While Lupin tried to think of ways to de-stress his friend Sirius was, well… stressing.

The unfairness of the whole situation made anger spark in the pit of his stomach. Why did someone as good and wonderful as Harry have to go through so much pain in his young life? Despite everything he'd been through Harry had grown into a great wizard and a man whom Sirius was proud to call a friend. As Harry grew older the title of Godfather didn't really suit Sirius. He did feel like he was someone to turn to and he certainly loved Harry, but more like a confidant or friend. Sirius almost tripped when he briefly wondered if Harry felt the same way.

Lupin glanced at his friend and shook his head.

"You're driving me and yourself crazy."

"I'm just tired," Sirius said, sounding as weak as he felt.

"Then rest. You're not helping anyone by working yourself to exhaustion."

"I doubt I'm much help anyway," Sirius replied, on the verge of sulking.

"Don't start that again," Lupin warned.

Sirius nodded and bit his tongue. He tried to remind himself that he was doing the right thing. That he was somehow going to help Harry recover from yet another horrible incident to add to his long list. Though he was doubtful. So much had changed and while Harry's physical injuries had healed Sirius could clearly see the internal scars reflected in his eyes. How does one recover from a lifetime of scars? He felt like he should know the answer.

A shiver ran down Sirius' spine as he and Lupin parted ways. He had a foreboding feeling. He was in the process of trying to push the thought away before it even entered his mind.

There was a lot more pain to feel before any healing could begin…

--

A/N: Writing this chapter was an epic battle that deserves a book written about it. Let's just say, it did not want to get written! But it's finally done and has, hopefully, shed some more light on the situation... Not much but just a little peak at what's going on.

To all readers/reviewers, I really wasn't expecting such a great turn-out for this fic. It puts a smile on my face and encourages me to write more to see all the reviews and hits the story's getting. Special thanks to: SPEEDIE22, jogger, Cherry-Starburst, semper paratis, Norwegian Eyes, amarna and riseofafallenangel, cute happy Harry/Sirius moment is dedicated to you. ;)

I'm sorry that this update took so long. I hope that the next chapter will come out much easier, and sooner!


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